Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
