I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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