How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You can't motorboat a personality
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
