I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
