It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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