Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
