I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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