enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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