i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
