38 yer olds are good kisserssss
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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