Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
