yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
