1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
zippers are such a cool invention
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
