the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
