Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
