White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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