im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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