Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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