sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
