you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
