remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
