My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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