Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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