so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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