i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
