I just threw up on my dentist
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
