Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
