official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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