Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
