I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dignity is for republicans.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
