Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
