I'm lost and stupid without you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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