she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
