Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
