how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
