He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
