I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
