Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
