I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
