Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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