I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
