I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize