Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
