if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize