dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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