You work out of a Hotel?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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