Tell her she can't have a vagina
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
