but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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