And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
