cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
