Will you blow on my dice?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
