she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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