yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
