some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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