He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
