whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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