Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize