1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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