Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
