u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
