I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
