And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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