My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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