He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
