a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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