Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
