His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize