I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
