Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
