ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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