Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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