For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You were trust falling into bushes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
