9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
