If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
