At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
