All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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