I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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