What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize